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Blue Ribbon Western, June 1946

RAW, MEDIUM AND WELL-DONE

By TOM THURSDAY

WELL, pals, I hope things are breaking better for you than they did for Professor Ambrose Flutterbutt, the Psychic Medium and Marvel. Not wanting to keep you in suspense, I'll report now that the hero of this soap opera is Horse Tooth Harrigan, the smarty of the first part.

In case you don't know me, as General Custer remarked to Sitting Bull, I'm Freckle-Puss Perkins, manager of the sideshow with McGimmick and O'Gaff s Wild West Circus and Freak Hippodrome, a ten-wagon mud show that opened the season at Homicide Center, Arizona. Though I have personally booked the regular flock of freak attractions from all parts of the world—see the outside banners—it's Old Man McKeezo who hires Professor Flutterbutt.

"The kid show is dead," remarks the deep- thinking boss. "It needs new life. Get the idear outta your thick skull that all cowboys and rangers are dopes. They crave variety. Professor Flutterbutt will give 'em variety. These Western bean-heads are sick of looking at Fat Girls, Bearded Ladies, and Snake Charmers. This Flutterbutt yamneck will lay 'em in the cactus."

"Yeah," says Horse Tooth Harrigan, "but I never knew Captain Kidd had a brother." The Old Man lets that go over his head.

"This guy can actually talk to the dead," goes on the boss. "Very marvelous, indeed."

"So what?" says Horse Tooth. "I been talking to the dead for years, right from the bally-stand. What's more," steams up Horse Tooth, "I knew that bum years ago when he was high-pitching Dr. Alonzo Quimm's Diamond Hair Hoister and Dandruff Killer. That was almost ten-year ago and his name was then Jake McGonigle. He makes out that he don't know me, but the big flounder-head borreys ten bucks from me and promptly forgets same."

"You are nuts," says the boss, politely. "Professor Flutterbutt is a college man."

"Dartmouth or Deer Lodge?" snorts Horse Tooth.

"Shut up," sniffs the Old Man, and stomps down the midway.

I take Horse Tooth to one side, and say, "Are you kidding about that new jerk?"

"Kidding, your Uncle Jesse James!" snaps Horse Tooth. "I could spot him by the scent alone. He was smooth-shaven when I knew him. Now he has a goatee and a set of whiskers. But I'd recognize that jai...

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