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Baldy Muzzles The Tiger

By Jack Kofoed

Women Can Provide Complications for Manager
Simmons Even at an Army Wrestling Match

AS PRACTICALLY everyone knows Baldy Simmons gets his start in Miami Beach, back in the days when the boys are running bootleg stuff in from Bimini and such places. Naturally, he considers Miami Beach his home. Of course, in his business of managing and promoting wrestlers and prize fighters and lady bicycle riders and such, Mr. Simmons is on the wing most of the time, but whenever the opportunity presents itself, he returns to the vicinity of Biscayne Bay to bask in sunshine and memories.

The fact that the sands and cabanas have no small quota of lissome Judys in skimpy bathing suits no doubt has something to do with his visits, too, but, this is strictly beside the point. Like practically every other male in the world, Baldy likes to feast his eyes on lissome Judys in bathing suits, so no aspersions need be tossed at him for such a predilection.

It happens at this time that Mr. Simmons's principal breadwinner is a wrestler named "Cowboy" Padgett. The Cowboy is so muscular he makes Sandow look like an anaemic midget. No self- respecting cowpony carries such hunk of man far without caving in under the weight, and it is reliably reported that all the cows in Texas take a gander at Padgett, and practically strain their milk getting out of the neighborhood. Even if he is not such great shakes as a cowboy, Padgett is a good wrestler, indeed, and is such a drawing card that he makes his own and Baldy's bank balances look as though they needed reducing diets.

However, comes the fall of the year, Padgett decides to take a bit of a rest. This is all right with Mr. Simmons, who needs a bit of relaxation himself, and is yearning to toast himself in the sun, and feast his eyes on the lissome beauties, who spend practically all their lives on the beach. So, the Cowboy stays in New York and Baldy hies himself to Miami Beach.

But when Mr. Simmons gets to his favorite village he finds such changes as he never dreams of. The Army Air Forces move in there, and practically every man on the street is in uniform. This pleases the lissome beauties no end, because since there are at least fifty soldiers for every damsel, the least beautiful of the gals finds herself considered as practically making a bum out of the Queen of Sheba. It just goes to show that when the law of supply and demand goes to work, even a Judy with a figure like a flour sack tied in the middle gets none the worst of it.

Though Baldy is fat and hairless, and his arches are by no manner of means what they used to be, he feels the urge to get into a uniform, too. So he passes up the lissome beauties, and goes to have a talk with Colonel Nottingham Q. Knickerbocker, who is an old friend, and is in the army practically since the beginning of the Black Hawk War.

COLONEL KNICKERBOCKER is quite understanding, but he explains that if the army begins taking in people like Baldy Simmons there is bound to be much talk among the citizens of the Berlin and Tokio set-up. The opinion is generated that America indeed has her back against the wall when she is compelled to use people with such physiques as Baldy's in her armed services.

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